The One-Last-Post-B4-Chem post.

Watching 90210 brings some thoughts into my head. One in particular. I can't help but think "what if I'm gonna be a sucker?" And no, not in the way you might think, sillies. Except given the chance, maybe ;) But no. Lately I feel this longing for someone. I read books, I watch movies, shows, and there is undoubtedly always a couple who make my heart ache. Hell, any couple makes my heart ache. It aches with an emptyness I guess, embarassing as that sounds. This couple on 90210, Annie and Jasper, they make me wonder. In the earlier episodes, Annie has no idea what kind of a guy he actually is, but we, the audience, know everything. He's bad news. Not the he's-a-dirty-cheating-liar bad news. But the he's-a-drug-dealing-lying-crazy-SOB bad news. Admittedly, he does hide it well, and puts on a mega-fooling show. I just wonder what if that's me? Maybe not in that sense completely, but I'm afraid that the minute any guy shows any kind of affection towards me, I'll be done. As in, I'll be a fool. I'm afraid that I'll just fall. Just start falling, just because. Makes it sound like I'm dancing around the word 'desparate', hey? And maybe I am. But I'm not. Yet, anyway. I just..don't want to be that person. Maybe I've been watching/reading too much love shit. Maybe I need to be watching/reading slashers, and movies where there are no happy endings. It might numb my heart from wanting.