I believe I am very much overdue for a heart-to-heart

I can only take this out on everything but me for so long. Truth is, it's the hardest thing for me right now to try and express myself. It's about this time of the year where I usually lose those I care for. Example: tenth grade I stopped talking to two close friends. Best friends at the time. Beginning of eleventh grade, I lost another. That's not to say I don't love who I gained in that process. But I think I've always been afraid to have to feel that loss again. And well, first year university, and I'm just on the edge, readying myself. I'm starting to feel very vulnerable. I'm looking for something that will somehow fill this hole in my heart, and I'm not looking for it in the right way. I'll get these feelings when I'm with people that will scare me. One, because I just want to lose myself in that feeling, let them take me away with them, if only for that one fleeting moment. And two, because I know that I shouldn't want to feel that way. Especially considering the situation.

My heart's lonely, and it just needs another. One that will understand, accept, and soothe it. I swear it breaks a little more each and every day.