Battle of procrastination vs Jennifer.

Procrastination - 872682

Jennifer - 2

UGH. Every exam season, it's the same story. Let me tell you, it never gets old. Currently studying for AMAT 413, except I actually just finished..probably gonna move onto ANTHRO now, which is even worse to study for, seeing as I hate and can't for the life of me remember all these motherfucking primate names. Esp the proper species and genus names, forget it. All I wanna do it kick back with a wonderful Christmas movie and chill. And sleep. And eat. Always eat.

I definitely am not feeling very Christmassy this year. You'd think working in retail, at a mall, no less, that I'd be surrounded by Christmas spirit, and Christmas music and decorations and all..but no. I'm not. And it makes me sad. My life currently is school, school, work and work. And even when school is over, it'll just change to work, work, work and work. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to squeeze in a couple of movies and get-togethers, but it's not very likely :(

My birthday is, well technically 'tomorrow', but that's b/c I haven't slept yet, and it's Dec 12, 1:12am. But I still feel like it's in two days. All I really am asking for is a male strip show. Is that really so hard? Can't find any good looking men to strip for me? Show off their goodies? Geez. If guys can get a strip show from girls, shouldn't it be fair that I, a girl, get a strip show from guys as well?! OBJECTION.

In the end, it's essentially my fault.

All of it.

I'm so in love with this.

This song and this cover.

If you see me out on the town, and it looks like I'm burning it down, you won't ask and I won't say, but in my heart, I'm always somewhere with you.

I'm an emotional fucking mess

I just can't anymore, I can't. I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to fix shit, and I keep putting people between me and my shit, and I'm just so done. I'm so frustrated with myself and I don't know how I can live with myself anymore, like this. Fuck.

“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love. Listens but doesn’t believe & leaves before she is left."

—	Marilyn Monroe Evidently I wasn't wise enough.

Weekend of Adele & Trampoline time.

This past weekend I put my life on hold and went into the country side. We roadtripped to Saskatchewan and stayed in St Walburg's, the cutest little town. Easily the best weekend I've ever had. The weather wasn't the most ideal, but surprisingly enough, it didn't really matter, we managed to have an amazing time anyway.

Random roadtrip conversations, seeing factories that looked like magical buildings in the dark (ex, the Disney Castle), stopping for Tim's/McDonald's, driving on the highway for the first time ever (got up to 150, awh yeah), watching the sun come up as we arrived into our destination. Trampoline time, walking to Kim's for ice cream and other goodies, all the boys there drive trucks and I love it, trampoline time, taking a nap at the cabin, the looooongest day ever, trampoline time, delicious home cooked dinners, 'camping' when actually we just pitched the tent in the backyard, the cutest grad ever, along with the cutest couple of life, the best after grad held in a warehouse/barn thing which rocked so hard, learning how to two-step and the nicest people ever. Then the roadtrip back, singing our hearts out to every song.

I think I'm always gonna go back to that weekend and think about how simple and carefree and fun it was. Seriously, the best I've felt in a long time. Coming back to life and reality was kind of a slap in the face. Once I got home, I felt this overwhelming feeling of the knowledge of all the things that was my life: final exam in 3 days that I was (still am) unprepared for, the fact that I still don't have a job ..etc.

Damn, being back in reality sucks balls.

2 am fort (attempt)

Other people's forts:

My Fort:

So yeah, I got a hit of inspiration to make a fort for my bed. I think it's probably the worst fort ever made, but hey, it is 2am, and my creativity is lacking, so this is what I got. Dear God if any of those pins fall out when I'm asleep, help me.

**EDIT:

I got too scared, so I took my fort down, to avoid any pins and needles in my arms/legs/eyes.

Sometimes this just happens.

For the last month or so, I've been feeling very good, okay, and happy, you know? Things were going well and I just never felt too bad about too many things. But then I thought maybe it's because things were going so fast that I couldn't stop and think about things in my life.

So I stopped. And I thought.

Which may have not been the best idea. I don't know if this is a real feeling or if I was just looking for things to feel bad about, but now, I'm in a rollercoaster of emotions. One second I'm up, the next I'm down. Up, down. Up, down. I know this happens to people, and I know it happens to me too, way too often I feel. Maybe it's just a phase...the stage in my life before my life actually starts? I don't know. I just feel like I need something in my life to get excited about, and be happy about, and have passion for. Why have I not found that yet? Am I the only one? That scares me way too much, and it's freaking me out.

Okayokay, I think now I'm just babbling about incomprehensible bullshit, so I'm done.

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On another note:

I've started to make friendship bracelets again. I think I may be addicted, it's so fun! All the colors, and the designs..the best. I am running out of thread though, so I gotta buy some soon. Let's hope I get a job soon, hey? CROSSING MY FINGERS.

School note:

Boooo, I suck. Haha, it turns out, I do not get better at school with spring semesters. I was really convinced I was gonna get an A, but that thought went down the drain with my 68% on my midterm. Darn. But! Two times now, I've spotted the cutie from my math class, the boy with the unapproachable earphones. BOY! WHY DO YOU WEAR THOSE UNAPPROACHABLE EARPHONES?! I should just spill a coffee on him 'accidentally' or something. That'll get him to notice me. And if it doesn't, well then I give up, and he has no desire for me. Saddest thought. Also: Where is Chemboy?! Damn that boy, my heart aches.

Fresh, warm and ready to go.

20 freshly printed out, updated and new resumes, for one Jennifer Tran, ready to be handed out, slipped under doors, and slapped in people faces (if nessesscary). I am going to get a job, I am going to get a job, I am going to get a job.

I'm also definitely prepared to print out more copies. It's a tough, tough world out there.